...and Sir Galahad would be named the youngest of the men of chivalry, the shield bearing starling of the Round Table.
Today, my confidence is animated by an inclination towards warmth, and the promise of release through song. I am no longer afraid of playing the wrong notes. This song is mine to compose, and mine only to understand.
I think about Solange's concerto in The Young Girls of Rochefort. I think about how much confusion and bitterness seeped into her feelings about her work, how it would be her piece that led her to a love she felt she did not deserve. I also think about Gene Kelly tiptoeing and smiling from cheek to cheek like a jackass in that movie, he's just like me.
In comparing masters, I came to appreciate the mix of Avenue (Italics! Because it's finished!) that included my singing performance over the more restrained, conservative mixes. I thought, to hell with the reservations, those who will understand it will understand it. Those who will not have no business trying. I will be releasing the mono mixes as opposed to stereo mixes, however. I don't care for the way Ableton normalizes stereo mixes, even when you turn off normalization it seems like it's still suppressing the dynamics. Automation usually requires you really overpower the EQ to get the right stuff, it feels like. A trick to getting that sort of Brian Eno leveling is to have some more subtle white noise accent each movement, it sort of tricks the master. What I am instead taking a lot of influence from is the first album from Broadcast, The Noise Made by People. Things are more spacious, more personal in feeling. They made the decision to produce the project themselves because other sound engineers didn't understand what they were looking for, and I so understand that feeling.
I'm at work watching the Kelly Clarkson daytime program. She's singing My Heart Will Go On, and let me say something everybody will agree with: that woman could sing the screws off a door hinge. This might be the best daytime talk show of all time, actually; and I am so sorry to reveal this, Wendy. There really is no love for a native New Yorker. Kelly seems to be alright, but I will say that as far as my preferred variety of talk show brain rot, I'm partial to Conan O'Brian. It is for this truth that I was punished, you see. My sleep schedule was never bad enough to allow me the opportunity to watch his show as regularly as I would have liked.
I finally downloaded the actual Al Jazeera App, so I am living in the future for the very first time since all those centuries ago, when I lied to those people at the Concours to get pictures of the cars.
There's a photojournalist in the audience of Kelly's show today. She spoke about her work in the field, and her admiration for Lee Miller, the subject of the film that Kate Winslet worked on (Kate is the guest of this episode). This made me curious, so I was on Wikipedia. I wanted to do a quick look at the history of her work, and wouldn't you know it... Solarization. If nothing else kills me in this world, I can count on the weight of shame to press me down onto the flat grill of reality.
People don't use their ears at work. Whatever.
Today is day one of the rest of my life. I made a very rude and callous decision yesterday to separate myself from someone, and I do not regret making that decision. For the sake of honesty, I'll be plain: sometimes it is best to end something before it becomes a problem. I believe that our captive reader has the ability to self-govern without my presence in their life, and I bid them well on their efforts in the future. My belief in their ability to succeed does not entail an attachment to my decisions, however. Repeated disappointments create doubt. I am a human being, I cannot be told to turn the other cheek forever. I tried to enumerate twice that I did not think it would be healthy to stay close, and both times there was an attempt to neutralize the seriousness of my concerns.
I am certain, positive they will succeed at all they do. Without me.
Today I teach the first lesson of my Beatmaking class! They actually let it happen, hooray!
Good things are coming for us all. Believe that.
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