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7/20/26 - All Tomorrow's Parties

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How many times can you listen to your favorite songs before you get tired of them? Really think about it. It may be impossible to figure, cause you first gotta know how much you love that song to then understand how much of it you can take.  A really good one sticks with you. Enough where you wouldn't want to get sick of it. People are potent, y'know. More than songs, more than music. It's not surprising that every endeavor I seem to make in this adult life is motivated by that same sort of tripe, y'know? It's gotta be good enough for her. What a vain thing to admit... but we deal in truths, here. I do a lot of epithets and prose, but I try my hardest to not give into ego and illusion. Never been a good liar. I gotta find some way to focus on something else. Anything else. Speaking of broken records, the Abbey Road vinyl I got is in terrible condition. I Want You/She's So Heavy is unplayable, the best song on the album! Fitting. Everyone I speak to in the city ...
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7/14/26 - Nah

After I get fired, I'm gonna head to Erie Beach. It'll be empty.
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7/12/26 - Sha-Ka-Go

By the grace of God nothing happened. Chicago is okay. I happened to visit right when none of my Chicago ppl were in Chicago. Fml
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7/10/26 - Because

I want her so bad it's not even funny. I need to be put down like a dog. I got a show tonight and I'm thinking "God she's so pretty and smart and funny and cool" I need to be shot
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7/10/26 - Army

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Everything is going to be okay
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7/9/26 - Michelle

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I think I've found my least favorite track from the fab four. Whatever. It's so procedural, y'know, it's stuff like that where I kind of understand why they used to rag on Paul so much. Tripe. It's so sickly, it possesses me to think of the worst sort of bliss that life would muster. I'm dissappointing her. I'm dissappointing her by revealing myself, I guess. I'm not the sort of person to hide and betray the hopes of my peers. I must be honest in elucidating just how thorough this depression has robbed me of an ability to want. Just as well, I've a strong inclination towards suicide. Bit of a laugh, maybe. It's only offset by the events I've got lined up. After the Chicago trip, there's nothing to look forward to. I have to stay busy. I have to find something. Anything. I have to distract myself from the feeling of it. I don't have that in the moment, save for my wishes to finish the manuscript. If I'm not able to distract myself....
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7/7/26 - Blur

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Today I don't believe in anything and I want to die, but none of that matters. I am trying to do good things anyways. I somehow have to find a way to be optimistic, despite how murky the waters may seem. The transfer to Manal was unsuccessful. The money was refunded by PayPal for whatever reason, and she's not getting my messages. This family reunion planning debacle... whatever. Ibrahim sent me those videos, you know... he says his daughter has Smallpox. I'm a bit beside myself, you know. I thought that surely he must have meant "chickenpox." Smallpox was eradicated, as far as I know... but I can't put it past this world to inflict that sort of suffering.  I just have to pray that things get better. I don't believe in anything today. But I will be optimistic, not for my own sake. I have to believe in a better future for them. I was talking to Cronkite irl recently, I tried my best to elucidate on the concepts behind Galahad, but I could feel myself minimi...
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