Posts

7/26/26 - My Love

She is everything to me, in a manner I don't know if I can stomach. I keep hoping that next time I see her, my thoughts about her will lessen and lessen, that I'll be able to understand her as just another friend, just another smiling comrade. But she's so much more than that, and it hurts me to know this feeling will never go away. I feel less and less certain about how she feels inside with each passing meeting. I feel shame building more and more with each encounter, a pestilence of love making me sicker and sicker every time I see her eyes. The more I try to understand her, the less I feel like I actually do. I work my life out tearing apart these pictures I have of her in my mind, so I may try to understand only what she allows me to. I don't want to gainsay her love or mess around with feelings she's never had. I want to know if she loves me, and I just don't have an answer. If the answer is no, then it will be easy. I could walk away with my head intact, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

7/25/26 - Hey, Bulldog

The attention of beautiful women has completely immobilized me. I can't say I'm angry about it.
Post a Comment
Read more

7/21/26 - Golden Brown

I slept well last night. I managed to chat with my twin before leaving for work. I was disappointed at work. It's all so logical. I remember Gatter telling me all about how she's been enjoying songs that employ dissonance. Good stuff, but I'm in a bit of delirium. I can't stomach the feeling of it right now. I want a bit of that, but I need to prove to myself I'm human first. It's about knowing I don't need the papers. I'm listening to Nico's debut. Chelsea Girls , y'know. That's where voice can take you. The real communicative feeling can take you that way. There's really no music in it, it's interesting. It's incredible music anyway. Where do you put your eyes? Where is, I dunno, sensible? I'm not interested in grammatical sense at the moment. I've gotta know the haptics of what you've got going on, here. I was texting her a bit. Felt like there was a million pounds on my chest. I want to know what she really wants. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

7/20/26 - All Tomorrow's Parties

Image
How many times can you listen to your favorite songs before you get tired of them? Really think about it. It may be impossible to figure, cause you first gotta know how much you love that song to then understand how much of it you can take.  A really good one sticks with you. Enough where you wouldn't want to get sick of it. People are potent, y'know. More than songs, more than music. It's not surprising that every endeavor I seem to make in this adult life is motivated by that same sort of tripe, y'know? It's gotta be good enough for her. What a vain thing to admit... but we deal in truths, here. I do a lot of epithets and prose, but I try my hardest to not give into ego and illusion. Never been a good liar. I gotta find some way to focus on something else. Anything else. Speaking of broken records, the Abbey Road vinyl I got is in terrible condition. I Want You/She's So Heavy is unplayable, the best song on the album! Fitting. Everyone I speak to in the city ...
Post a Comment
Read more

7/14/26 - Nah

After I get fired, I'm gonna head to Erie Beach. It'll be empty.
1 comment
Read more

7/12/26 - Sha-Ka-Go

By the grace of God nothing happened. Chicago is okay. I happened to visit right when none of my Chicago ppl were in Chicago. Fml
Post a Comment
Read more

7/10/26 - Because

I want her so bad it's not even funny. I need to be put down like a dog. I got a show tonight and I'm thinking "God she's so pretty and smart and funny and cool" I need to be shot
Post a Comment
Read more