HK Blog

The following entry is a transcribed stream of consciousness, written for the purpose of having a documented deposition of my thoughts. It helps me to stay humble, I guess, to expose my grey matter in a safe public environment. I feel more comfortable in the presence of peers, of friends, of family. I don't do well on my own. So that's why I allow this blog to be visible to the public. I'm trying something. I've never been able to sustain this before. There's a first time for everything, though. A necessary silence. Nobody will know me, ever again. Nobody will know. I'm giving it a go. There is no drive towards organization that I can see. So instead... I'll muster something better than what I could be capable of in a healthy mindset. I choose to allow myself to be solemn. I'm gonna let myself starve today, that makes it easier. It's easier to stay focused when I'm hungry. When I'm tired. My brain doesn't put those nutrients in the right ...

I'm not busy enough. I'm writing this at work, and I know that's the case. I'm not busy enough. If I have enough time to get caught up like that, it's farcical. I've heard the right women express this as wisdom. I'm inclined to think they're correct. That's all. It's strange, cause I've got enough activity as it is. So for me to struggle with keeping my mind on what's in front of me, its indicative of a psychological snag. I'll be okay, though. Yesterday after work I walked around in the city in the cold. I like being around the noise of other people. I don't care for the silence right now. I don't. And of course I realize, good art learns to embrace silence. I guess I've got a ways to go. Aimless Maxence... I'm only blessed I never had an inclination to serve. Nah. I can be aimless my own way. Michel Legrand, you find your way into a heart with those compositions... even now I hear it. This job is so meaningless and m...

Allow me to be diaristic. If for only but a moment. I had another fruitful conversation with Remas. Being able to clarify my goals, through service towards her and Manal, is something I was knowingly prosyltized towards realizing as my path. It was instilled as a prime directive every day I spent in Church, growing up. Sometimes I wish there really were coincidences. I could stand to have some friction to push against, this balsawood foundation I'm sitting on right now is starting to embitter my conscience. I don't regret the direction. I could never take her candor for granted. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 66 Hail Marys, thats what I'm thinking. I got to make three different posters and print 22 copies of each. This month is when I'm gonna paint the town yellow. And I'll need to adopt a persona of arrogance, something that can incense my network towards action. You !   I know exactly what possesses somebody like you to linger. So I'll be generous, i...