HK Blog

I started feeling a bit insecure about my appearance today. Something that I guess is par for the course for a lot of people of my demographic. Whether that means transgenders, women, gays, could be any of those. I have to tell you, man... I thought I was doing better. I really did. Today really pulled me back to same feeling. Yesterday was MayDay in Detroit. That, was a very good day, despite what it did to my legs. No two ways about it, 3 miles will hurt my feet regardless, and pushing a wheelchair makes everything hurt. It was a good day, though. I feel good when I feel like I'm participating in something that matters. I think thats a psychological holdover of my upbringing, I come from a Christian family, a protestant family. Maybe it's a bit of a weakness, I dunno. But I felt good commemorating something like May Day. I felt better seeing all the keffiyehs and Palestine flags. Today isn't as good. I saw a good movie today, but it was illuminating in ways that kind of s...

There's a part of me that thinks I was right, about the impression I made. I think I intimidated her a little bit, I think I made myself unwelcome. I don't know what specifically might have done it, or if it was just something on the whole that was jarring about me. But I could feel it was the last time I was gonna see them when I saw them. I think that I bore him. I think that I'm not what he needed to see that day, that I was just in the way. I can't imagine... I can't imagine if he knew. I think it might have been my eye contact. I'm not good at that. I think I unsettle people, and I think that might be part of why. Maybe its because I'm a tranny. I don't know. What I do know, is that there's a sickness going on. It's a pathological nightmare, a poison that's seeping from my mind into every crevice of my being right now. It is a demon, that has possessed my thoughts with an impurity. It felt very sweet at first, like a little passing crush...

That song Lemonade by Gucci Mane is so good. I wish I could live in that beat. I can't imagine feeling like Wop feels, man. That song just gives us a taste of it. I got my teeth cleaned today. I understand why people are afraid of the dentist, but I've never been able to relate to it. I've grown a little accustomed to the discomfort, maybe its a pathological thing. I find, as my gums are being poked and prodded, bleeding and everything, it's easy to sit through if I focus on the pain. I anticipate it, I guess. Not really a challenge if I teach myself to like it. When life gets too difficult, I teach myself to enjoy the more distasteful and bitter stuff, so that I walk through it easier. I can taste the iron flavor on my teeth right now, my mouth is so dry. Sometimes I think, I should be more comfortable with feeling gross. I used to be good at that, but I realized it's kind of a cop-out. Choosing to embrace a feeling of shittiness to mask how insecure I feel about n...