HK Blog

Zahr and I had a row about the whereabouts of Manal. She believed that Manal is intentionally avoiding me bc she just wants to use me, and like... maybe? Okay? Remas tells me she's okay and that she just can't get hold of an E-Sim. Which has happened before, a much more sobered explanation. Manal has not ever demanded money out of me, nor has she ever been cold or angry. Hard to believe she would use some kind of strategem of avoidance to not  get her own donation money. That just doesn't really make sense. It's not like I ignored her or said anything weird. I don't think she's actively looking to avoid me as much as it is likely very difficult to live in a tent and provide for 3 kids and retain communication via E-Sim all at the same time. This wouldn't be the first time Zahr has engaged in catty or vindictive behavior. It's important to remember that most Palestinians are just regular people like the rest of us. They're not all Qassam Brigadier Sup...

I often have to course correct myself from maladaptive daydreams. Most often I think about what my family and friends would do if and when I pass. It's not a healthy thing to ruminate about. Hard to forgive myself for the error of being alive, I guess. I do love myself, maybe too much, and a lack of stimulation creates an insular sort of fixation. An unhealthy thing, yknow. Reversed the tracklisting, it sounds better that way. I'm getting positive feedback, but two friends I sent it to haven't said anything on it. I fear they're being too nice, they must tell me what they don't care for. I can't demand or demean, is the thing. I need to look towards a better way. I'll ask Cronkite anyways. I've only good things to say about Cronkite. Peter doesn't really like me, he's a bit of a fairweather friend, but I don't care. I've a bit of a sick taste for social subterfuge. I get a kick out of irritating him, out of making him feel guilty for bein...