HK Blog

Yesterday after work I messed up taking my injections, and I hit a major artery. I was bleeding so much, I managed to eventually staunch it and get a bandage. I still feel tingly and lightheaded, this has never happened before. There were two weeks before I had help taking injections where this never happened. Yesterday was the first day I went that wrong. There's a malaise of unease and disgust that has infected the air surrounding my person. I've been visiting my parents a lot in the first half of January. I love to he with my family, yeah... but I also like being around them because they seem like the only people that arent disgusted at the sight of me. I just don't understand it. I don't like being in my apartment. I wish I was an introvert, it would be easy to keep it all in. Every time I open my eyes, whenever I blink, I see news of another holocaust in the works. Maybe this is just what God wants right now. I don't get the feeling that my personality or prese...

Let me tell of you about social pageantry. I mean courtship, you know. "Talking stages," as people call it. The worst, the absolute worst. Cronkite and I like to coach each other, we commiserate the circumstances of our yearning, the outcomes of our pursuits of those that catch our eye. About as many wins as losses at this point. I know for sure I've fumbled a few diamonds, but sometimes you must know that there's only so much you can do in the realm of entertaining the tastes of someone you most likely don't know that well, right? It's like grooming a poodle for the kennel club. You're putting yourself on display, you basically having to let someone examine you like an item. And yet I feel it could be argued that the right person is likely someone you would never need to "prove yourself" to like that. The connection will be self-evident. Recently my economy of courtship has been unstable, a lot of fluctuations. Too many uncertainties, I really, ...

Two Oxygen One Hydrogen, Yeah That Sounds Right Seven Drinks In And Hepburn is the greatest album ever made

This will likely only be posted a few days after writing. I think it's better to stay committed to silence. I used to be of the feeling that, yeah, even if nobody saw it happen, that tree still fell down, right? Nah. Look at the news. Look at everything. Doesn't mean shit if we all saw the same thing. The truth has nothing to do with it anymore. If I never make an effort to be seen, I may as well have never existed. Had I not decided to eat and take a nap, I might understand this trait to be a great asset to one looking to engage in acts of political terrorism. I can be so dramatic, my goodness. I'm looking to my regular remedies, you know. I'm listening to Brian again. And a bit of Carpenters. I can close my eyes and smile in acceptance of myself. I know what this is, and I can handle it. And it feels good. It feels bizarre being able to have my own time and space to work through one of these fits of incredible grief and sadness. It used to be that I would be sexually ...