HK Blog

I look out into a far enough distance, and I can feel it. The blood doesn't pool into my veins the right kinda way. I can feel it. I would have hoped to feel different about it today, but I don't. I need to pretend. I need to lie. She hates me... why do people put on these charades? I just wish they liked me enough to end it for good. I wish she respected me enough to give me a reason. I understood the decision, even if it didn't make any sense. She's a person. Respect even in the face of emptiness. I drive back to my apartment with the same feeling every night. I'm fighting against God and nature. I do not believe the Earth mother wants a beautiful life for me. I believe I was crafted to toil and languish. And every day I strain against her designs, she lifts the flail for another lash. Let me say what we already know to be true. A loveless life is not a life at all. Like a scar of age And with my failure I accept that I will never be ready for love. And I will nev...

Advisory This blog entry contains discussion of depression, suicide, and other difficult material. If uninterested, please refrain from reading . The first word I'll write my diary entry around is "coagulation" I often write about this concept of vampire billionaires sucking the blood from the world and using it all to make a throne of blood. The idea was that the longer we wait to stop them, the more their throne coagulates and solidifies. I feel like we missed the first signs of hardening and now we're scrambling to make do with the time we've got. So few mean to actually use any "bleach" to stop them. You can tell that this isn't how I usually write these. Yeah. 5-6-7-0-9 Back pain is killing me these days... I'll stop whingeing. I'll tell you what's changed. I don't see a way out of the labors. I'm not really looking to stop the vulture from getting his meal. I'm choosing to be more... easygoing, I guess. To say less, to b...