HK Blog

I had a walk around the track at work with my songs in my ears, to soothe the nerves a little. I found myself caught up in negative ruminations about all of my blessings. I find myself doing that a lot, y'know. It was a lot of wincing about what ifs, measuring collateral from warm regards and kinship. I was thinking, am I bad for them? Am I spending too much time with them? I'm over-thinking it again. [Lydia] wants to try another date, I don't know what day to give her for it, since I'm not in a state of mind to look ahead too much. I do love her, but I'm maybe too screwed up right to live up to some of her expectations, is what I'm ideating. I've got stuff booked that I'm beginning to worry about.  She's among the most pleasant to be around in my day-to-day, but I am worried about falling into something I'm not equipped to handle. I am terrified of dissappointing her, and I'm not sure why this is. It's largely because of the (sorta) dete...

All I can do is wait it out. It won't go away with any sort of sentimental salves. There's not a good medicine for it, none that wouldn't thwart me in my pursuits toward stability. Well, there's so many sinking now You gotta keep thinking You can make it through these waves Acid, booze, and ass Needles, guns, and grass Lots of laughs... I haven't heard from Manal in some days. Every time I happens it feels like the first time. I can't ever get used to it. I do love my friends. I love them dearly. I just don't think I can love them the right way. It's not anything I can put into words, beyond stating that I like where we are. But I know they don't. I don't want to hurt them. I want to spend every day with them. But I can't give up, not on this. I've come so far... what am I so worried about? So many dreams realized, so many aspirations achieved. And I'm looking down the slope of the hill, and pit forms in my stomach. Everybody's sa...