3/26/26 - Poison Tree
It's driving me crazy, but I've become accustomed to the feeling of it. I'm closing my eyes and thinking of boring shit. I don't want to think about this kind of stuff anymore. It's a really childish and underdeveloped thing to care about. I don't wanna hear about what I deserve. I concern myself with being kind to others. I can't. I can't let myself get comfortable again. That's when it happens. It happens when I let my guard down. It won't happen again. I recently found myself in a dreadful situation earlier in the month, y'know? I couldn't get comfortable around a nice person, and I feel like I let them down. They liked me at the time, but I was just so terrified of making him uncomfortable that I think I came off as dispassionate and sterile. I kept getting up in the night to calm myself down from panicking. I felt safe around them, but I didn't feel safe with myself. I was kinda put in a scenario where I should have loosened up....