I'm throwing my hands up and yelling "Waterloo!" at the mirror.
I don't know what happened to all of that beautiful restraint I used to coast along with; something happened to me. It's been everything but helpful to my self image. Look at me, I'm an asshole now.
I have got to become more approachable.
On this track I've drafted up, I'm using a lot of takes of deep breathing. Breathing in rhythm with the emotion, not always just the beat. When I attempt to implement some more uncomfortable things in this work, I try to center the methodology with what I've picked up from David Lynch's work. A lot of his works deal with that psychosexual fringe of need and want. A lot of what happens with the "emotional world" of his material is that we're shown a certain gradient of harm and selfishness that creeps into what is, at it's core, natural. The works don't deny any beauty or love inherent to sexuality as a social need. I feel that they examine a certain danger of "want," when it comes to attraction.
It can't just be about what you want. It has to be a link. The other person has to feel that connection to, and I just know I lost it. The tachyons that were giving this concept life are nowhere to be seen, and it is in this search for that energy that I've come to realize that... perhaps, it was just my imagination.
Maybe I should be grateful for it. And experience to sober the mind and ground the senses. I was floating on air for a little too long, y’know. I think now I'm finally getting that G-Sickness. I'm stepping off the vessel onto a ground that stands still... and it's still washing over me, that little inkling.
I felt this same feeling in Oahu. It's a trip I will always regret, and it's a trip I remember fondly. I remember trying that coffee... what did I say back then? I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it in all day. That ache, it's the worst feeling. I am so glad I never told them how I felt. I should've. I really should've.
