"Sometimes, it's best to remember wisdom. Sometimes, I must remember that I all I can ever know is that I don't know anything. I have no idea who anybody ever is." This is the only section of my original entry for today that I still believe is true. I believe it is the only passage that authentically conveys what is in my heart. It's now been a good 13 hours since I left Big Pink. That's right, I ended up going, had a blast. People liked my dancing again, that's always nice to hear. TV Lounge was nice too, the music was better, but its a great place to sit down and let my mind slip away. It was in doing that I realized that very same sadness you see in quotes. Sometimes I read my past entries, and I notice what I've lost about myself. I used to be a more poetic person, a more verbose person, before this job stripped all of that out of me. I used to be someone worth knowing. I think that day, the day of my first call-off, was the day that ruined it all....
Before we begin, please click the link to donate to Manal's kids Despite everything, you seem to hang on. You still believe in me. I don't know why. But you're still watching me. Even though it feels like I've done everything to push you all away. My brain has a hard time with understanding the concept of being supported or cared about. I don't say that to seem unique. I mean to say that I don't understand how it works for other people. My parents love me, my friends love me, and I don't know why. I love them, and I see so much beauty in them. I don't see much of anything in myself. They say within low self esteem hides a sort of narcissism or arrogance. It's a self obsession predicated on guilt and shame👎👎. I'm learning to understand that I must think less about how I measure up to everybody else. I have to remember what I know that I am. I'm tossing all of my alcohol. The Jager, the Miller, the Cider, all of it. All gone. All of it. I don...
I have a woman inside my soul Her eyes somber and sad She waves her hand to try to reach me But I don′t know what she says I wish I knew what she says I wish I knew what she wants I wish I knew what she says to me I wish I knew what she means to me Let me tell you... more than anything else I've come to understand in the past year, I've ruminated on a singularly shameful revelation about myself like crazy. And I don't feel bad about it, I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm a slut. Im a real romantic psycho, all I can think about is that girl. I'm a real hopeless munch, a bread headed dog. I'm thinking this year I'm gonna let it out a little bit. I'm gonna maybe catch something, but I can manage. Open air will always carry that risk... I'd welcome it just for her. It's the mystery of it, that wherewithal to wonder and peck at my own interest. I need to know this girl, I want her to talk to me for hours and hours. I want to fall asleep to her voice, y...
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