Tuesday, September 2, 2025

9/2/25 - Omniscient, Omnipresent, Superpositional

How can you bear your soul like that with a thousand eyes staring at you? The thing is, it's pretty easy. If it's everyone, it's everyone. So, nobody is different, nobody is special in bearing witness.

It's scary for me when it's the same eyes. When it's always the same eyes. It's scarier that I should be able to run away from just one person, right? But where can I go, where they won't find me?

If it is the case that I can never truly get away... let it be a strain. Let it be a real test. Greed Island, let's make a game of it. I'm not gonna make it easy.

How much can I reveal, how much can I say...

I think to point out the image that's hanging over my imagination may help make me more coherent. I keep coming back to Top of the Pops. I keep coming back to 10cc.

I'm Not In Love, God, I wish. It would be so much easier if it didn't matter.

I'm not in love... so don't forget it... it's just a silly phase I'm going through...

And just because... I call you up... don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made...

I like to see you... but then again... that doesn't mean you mean that much to me...

So if I call you... don't make a fuss... don't tell your friends about the two of us...

I hang your picture... up on the wall... it hides a nasty stain that's lying there...

So don't you ask me... to give it back... I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me...

You'll wait a long time for me... you'll wait a long time...

I'm not in love... I'm not in love...

There's nothing that I can say that he didn't already say. Everything that I've felt has been felt before. Everything that I've felt ashamed of...

I can't get away from the eyes. I don't know how to get out of this prison. I can do it anyways. And I'm not doing it alone, either.

It's just something else.

Stanley apparently wrote the song because he didn't say I love you to his wife enough.

I remember that call yesterday. I remember how my heart skipped. I couldn't say it back to them. I should have said it back to them. I can barely contain my regret.

Everything is bittersweet. Maybe this is just how I'm meant to remember that I'm alive. I know now, is what is so heartbreaking. I know that I failed. I know that I miss them so much. But the eyes will never look away. The eyes are only getting closer the harder I try to run.

I'm not Odysseus, y'know? I'm not gonna poke their eyes out. I just wish they would look at something, anything else. I wish they could let me move on. There is so much precious, irreplaceable love I've thrown away just to keep those eyes entertained.

I just wish the eyes could understand. The show is over.

No comments:

Post a Comment

9/19/25 - Double R

Good afternoon. Some more sobered journaling today. Today is the first day of the film club. We're starting the program with something r...