9/4/25 - Marigold

I don't think I have anything redeemable or intelligent to add today. I just wanted to apologize to all my friends who read my blog for my bizarre behavior lately. Ive become much less of myself than I usually hope to be.

I think I'm ready to close this chapter of my life. I don't really know what I'm gonna do after today, but I have decided to sit down aside the path, and sleep. I'm not walking anymore, I'm not dreaming anymore. I'm letting the wind whistle through my head, to use an expression. No more feelings, no more mania.

I wish you all nothing but success.

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Okay I lied. I have one more thought.

The families are all still here. Manal, Remas, Ibrahim... they're all still alive. If the Lord has any heart at all, he'll let them grow old in peace. I hope that he can forgive what I have become. I hope that he recognizes the beauty of these people. I hope he never fails them.

I hope the nightmare can end for everyone. I hope one day they can forget about me, as if none of it ever happened.

I guess that's how I feel about everyone. I'm choosing to be an adult about it and do nothing, but what's inside is nothing like what I ever actually do. Inside, I hope that there can be nothing. That one day there will be nothing left of me to remind my loved ones that I was ever gone. And that can be the end of the nightmare.