I tried linking up with the boys on the weekend, but they're still in the thick of it. Working stiffs, all of us. And y'know, because we're all working class kids, none of us get to lie down. I really wanna lie down. I have dreams about everyone. I feel like I'm never gonna forget.
I was watching Fire Walk With Me on my phone while all the kids were in the computer lab. There were some small issues today with one of em, but that's confidential. As long as we dont have to send 'em home, it's a good day.
I keep thinking about how Donna was talking to Laura about her thing with James. How revealing she was of her true feelings, even if she didn't know she felt that way yet. And Sheryl Lee is such a great actress, that bizarre emotion of knowing isn't overplayed on her face. She only says enough to acknowledge Donna's yearning. With that kind of tone that clarifies, she knows this. Of course I know my man is all that. Stop talking about it.
Yes, James is very sweet.
But Laura sees through a lot of malaise. She has to. There's a sharpness to her personality that I feel like I've seen before, in others. But Laura doesn't know what to be around Donna. She's always so afraid of losing her. She doesn't know how to be what she deserves, so she pushes her away.
Sometimes I think maybe I come off like Donna in that scene.
And I think that maybe I should stop talking. I've been trying to speak less. I haven't done a good job of doing that, but I'm still trying.
I'm worried about the future, but not necessarily my future. I'm worried about Remas, and Manal, and their kids. I'm worried about my friends. I'm worried about Auntie, and my parents. I'm worried about these people under siege, all over the world. The more I learn, the more I worry.
He told me not to think like that. He's so much wiser than me. His is a story of perseverance, of sacrifice. In a manner I could never understand. I almost don't feel worthy of his attention.
Why would he ask to call me? I didn't think he still liked me. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he wants to bring me back to Earth, land one across the jaw. Maybe I deserve that. I'm worried about her, too. She's a brave sort, it seems. Smarter than I could ever hope to be, its those eyes. You see it in their eyes, its like a visitation every time you make contact with them. I can't think of a better fit for the both of them. Seeing them together, its like looking at a dream.
I feel like one of my friends finally figured it out. What they have, that couple, seems wonderful. I'm so proud of him. I don't know how meaningful that might be coming from me, but I really am. I'm proud of everyone. Everyone. To me, my friends are my heroes. They are who I look up to, who I aspire to be. They are what I see as the truth.
When I think about them, and what they have already become since I've known them... I feel less afraid.
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