10/30/25 - Death

I'm doing my eyeliner a bit different now because of that psychological insecurity I developed about my eyes. I go along the outside, I keep the tears and inner lids naked.

I feel absolutely awful today, but I'm... fine. I'm okay. Nothing bad happening, just regular work.
First day since my favorite coworker got moved, I have nobody to talk to anymore. Nobody who really understands what I'm talking about half the time. I can feel anger and distress radiate throughout my body as I sit down in the locker room.

I had trouble putting on my eyeliner today because I couldn't stop crying. I was eventually able to do an okay look. Had some lip gloss and everything, whatever.

It doesn't even make sense that I feel this bad. Good things happening, great things are coming.

There's only one place I could go to make this go away. I do have my passport, I could go to Windsor again. That helped a lot last time. It did so much for me last time. I was still letting them talk to me then. It could be even better, now. They're not there to hurt me, anymore.

The best thing for me to do in these moods is watch a movie and eat pizza, but I can't do that right now. Whatever.

I can't believe the world didn't end. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. It's still hard to believe there's life after the answer. What an unserious way to feel.

I should be happy. I'm not happy.

I don't have a gift for language. Not anymore, anyway.

This is Endurance Music. I understand Meredith, now. We don't really talk that much anymore. There's nothing to talk about.

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