12/7/25 - I Know

All I can ever muster to think about is a girl. It is all my thoughts could ever find of me. I guess it's still a stranger thing for me to be.
All I ever think about it is how can I impress her? What sort person would she want? If I could tell her...

I think about how much I wish I could have known. I think about how much I think could have grown if I was not a girl who thinks about a girl so far away.

If I was ever half as smart as some of those people say, then I would leave it, I would leave her, just right well alone.

Am I a plaything of her waking hours, a lolcow for her eyes when she scrolls back forth and down? I would welcome such a privilege to make her laugh. Maybe.

Maybe...

I know that I am worth far more than that. I am an equal to everyone. Whether they like that fact or not.

But I'm not thinking of winning over the cunning girl, the lady seems so shrewd. She seems to know just what to do, but I remember... I remember how she keeps it all together. She's figuring it out too. And she's okay with losing "you," (that's me) ma'am.

[How great it is to have never been a factor. We didn't know each other well enough.]

I think my heart is set upon on a visitation. This lovely girl, she sits aside the confines of our network. She sits aside her door aware as she gets ready to take over my mind, I would never know what she would mean to do, but I would mean to tell her, *I want the chance to get to know you, so I might have a chance to love you.*

I still love sappy stuff like that, I know she might not go for that (lmao). I don't think I'll ever know.


I think I'll write again today. Ill cheat a bit.

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