I am blind, and you are ugly
It's so easy to want you
Hard to exaggerate this, y'know. I gotta head down to an unknown feeling again, real soon, sooner than I'd normally like, I think. Comfort zones totally zapped, that's what I'm thinking.
Zahr has started to reveal to me more about her aspirations, more about her "Organon."
I wish there was more I could do for her. For all the girls, y'know, I wish I could just take the reigns of the world and make a better future happen overnight. I gotta heed that lesson again, Tomino could never steer me right I guess.
I'm doing good, is what's so funny about it. I'm not suffering at all. And let me tell you, my mind is still on the most dangerous figure. I can't stop thinking about a future with one of these angels, right, it's downright twisted. There's a version of this journey that involves long lasting friendships, uncorrupted by this sort of speculation, yeah. But I'm finding that for the lot of our community, I'm a little too rare. Hard to ingratiate myself with such an "exceptional" sort of persona. I sound like a narcissist, but "I know what I've got," is more like it.
Nobody could tell me otherwise at this point. When i'm old, it's gonna be a damn shame when I pass away, because even with all this drive and talent, I know that I'm still not gonna realize my full potential. I just know it. I've got a magic that this world system is content on snuffing out. I'm not gonna let these capitalists tell me what I've got.
In every mistake, we must surely be learning...
Still my guitar gently weeps...
I guess I just believe in myself, right? What a terrible thing, I guess.
I hope I don't scare off any more living halations, right? Rays of light that I can never stand in the warmth of. It'd be easy to ignore if I was weird and gross, but that's just it. They won't stop telling me how great I am, it feels weird. Grow up being a weird kid, hard to accept being someone that straight dudes say is a "vibe," and the girls and gays say is an "icon."
this bitch really thinks she's the shit, oh my god somebody please tranquilize this narcissist tranny douchebag
Shit like this is why Archimedes thinks I'm full of myself. I don't think I like Archimedes anymore, but this is all speculative anyways. I'll never know for sure if my instinct is correct until I see him again and learn the truth.
I want, more than anything else, to perform. I want to do shows. That's all I want. I'm tired of being told no, I'm making it happen whether you people are ready for me or not.
I'm gonna do it for my friends, they deserve have their faith rewarded with success.
I gotta tell you that these new earbuds I got are ass. I only got em cause the wired cheap ones I had were shit.
I look at the floor, and see it needs sweeping... still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you... they bought and sold you
This is more than just a psychosexual exercise in waxing and spiraling, it's a means to examine my ability to persevere. Right now, I'm operating well. I can get through a fair number of slings and arrows, it seems like.
Later today, I have GOT to work some more on The Man and Transparent Anatomical Manikin. I'm saving up right now so I can cover the next car payment, as well as lowering my credit a tad. I want to eventually get a better gig so I can travel again, just to New York for a bit. I gotta work on another visibilty ad for Manal's kids, so I can transfer a decent amount, right? We still haven't the stretch goal. They're hanging on, but I gotta make sure I'm giving them their portion so that stays true.
Saturday they've got a million different events and gigs starting at 6pm. SO, I've gotta decide which I need to see more urgently, right? I think the mutual aid for Palestine one seems better suited for my attention... but, I've never been to a fashion show, right? I've got to head to that somehow... it's never easy.
I might reach out to Trumbullplex on my lonesome, just because I feel like I'm not gonna get any bites on the straight and narrow. Fuck it, I guess. I wish I was a regular act, right? But I'm not, I've got something less proven I'm looking to put forth. We venture forth regardless. I believe in myself. Simon Raymonde follows me, I can never fail.
This album is coming together well enough, this is indeed a very drums heavy project. I'll make it there, I promise.
All I Can Do Is Cry Over You And Hope You Return Someday
All I Can Do Is Cry Over You Ever Since You've Gone Away
The Man is another track in the same sonic vein as Beaumont Banshee Girls and Ave. I'm working towards making a coherent kind of vocal styling, so that my shortcomings become my strengths, my flaws become my quirks, right? This is the magic of music.
I am lowkey thinking about Lou Reed's cynicisms regarding chord structure in rock music. It's hard to pull off simple, y'know. I can do it, though.
Soon I will be able to pull off simple. You just watch.
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