HK Blog

IT HAS BEEN FAR TOO LONG I got sick twice and had to help my twin buy a new car. Oh, good heavens, two speeches in the cold! Two! And a march! The company of some dear friends could never be anything less than essential to soothing the nerves, right? I fear I was a bit too indulgent for a moment, is the thing. I don't regret anything as much I sort of just wonder if I was maybe... too licentious, in some respects. Oh, piss. Forget that. Two ladies! They like it! And I'm the oooonly me There was a different date with a hinge person that set me aside somewhat, right? They gave me the second cold, the first was from laying about. I must say that I'm not too fond of suicidal ideations. I'd wish better for them, but alas, I'd also wish better for me. We combined Ice Melter and Unseen into a bigger, better song. And with that development, Hepburn is closer to being as undeniable as I'd like it. Some new ads for Remas, and I've got almost a hundred in balance I...

Im finding that this city is starting to become a bit desperate... and it's also a bit too protestant. I've recently been offered an RCS position, piecemeal. It's only lucky they finally remember that I'm an adult, I guess. I'm necessary enough to be ignored, feels like. I do in fact think I'm better than this department, and that I deserve better than this. It is not my fault that this country seems to be choosing cynicism and selfishness over the promise of community. I love Detroit, but I do not like how Midwestern it is. Maybe the worst thing about Midwesterners is that most of them are all ideologically protestant, regardless whether they vote red or blue. They are averse to uncertainty and sociability. Maybe it was a curse to raise me in a multicultural enviroment, because when I'm denied the opportunity to see more interesting faces and personalities, when I'm placed into homogenous enviroments... it's grating, to me. Every single person is un...

I dunno if it matters to me, to be recognized for what I do, by anyone but those I personally cherish. While it is very much a privilege to be able to have lazy sundays... it is one understood in it's value by just about anyone. As a concept, its bigger than the day itself. Grateful for it. Frustrating day at work because the do nothing straight guys didn't know how to make memberships for over 50 people so I had to stop my lunch to do it. Sort of like an Adams-Butzel kind of day. I like working with the Black ladies, but I've had about enough of dudes. Its when there's Dad's who cant be bothered to sign their kids up or remember their kids' birthdays. I've never once in my life seen a Mom at work who didn't know her kid's birthdays. Men are sort of the same no matter where you go, it feels like.

I was able to eat today, so that's good. Just a little bit. Nothing profound or morose between the folds right now. It's all just being filled with song. All I can muster. I wish I could message Bryan, I finally found those Educated Youth . And I am NOT of their number, let me tell you. Oh, that would be just a bit too sickly, as the critic could say. I'm not going to allow myself the opportunity to fall into the same feeling. In this setting of bitterness, I invite a sensation of "invention." I have to write, and I will be piecing together visuals. I want my... I want my MTV... That's all the kids like, let's be serious. Water drippings from the storefront awnings, flashy signs in the untouchable city, the section I find myself wanting to lie down in once again. That's all they like. For the first time, I actually think I understand Peaceful Night in the fuller sense. It's really something that never happens anymore. I wish I could skip back to th...

"No more numbers. No more numbers. No more aspiration. It's over with. We're done with the game of it. People make it happen in spite of it, that'll have to be the drive, won't it? I can make it to 27. I might go past it juat a bit. By then I'm hoping I am not remembered, so then it can be easy. I have to leave the organization. I have to leave everything. Everything. Every single person, every single plan. No more spinning plates. My songs will not be for the community. Not anymore. My songs will not be available to anyone but myself and myself only." Depression is a biological imbalance that will stay with me the rest of my life. It is in states like these where I do two things. Firstly, I pray to God to give me the necessary weights around my heart to keep myself down from the hanging post. Secondly, I write. I write and I write and I write. I write everything down. Every single suicidal thought and action, every single piece of hatred and loathing, it...

  I am blind, and you are ugly It's so easy to want you Hard to exaggerate this, y'know. I gotta head down to an unknown feeling again, real soon, sooner than I'd normally like, I think. Comfort zones totally zapped, that's what I'm thinking. Zahr has started to reveal to me more about her aspirations, more about her "Organon." I wish there was more I could do for her. For all the girls, y'know, I wish I could just take the reigns of the world and make a better future happen overnight. I gotta heed that lesson again, Tomino could never steer me right I guess. I'm doing good, is what's so funny about it. I'm not suffering at all. And let me tell you, my mind is still on the most dangerous figure. I can't stop thinking about a future with one of these angels, right, it's downright twisted. There's a version of this journey that involves long lasting friendships, uncorrupted by this sort of speculation, yeah. But I'm finding th...

Am I box office poison? Can't get booked, maybe the politics is off putting to the clubs. I remember telling my friends how big Tel-Aviv is in the international IDM scene. Frustrating. There really are two different Electronic Music worlds, divided by Zionism. -------------------------------------------- It's been a while since I discussed the next topic on this blog. If you don't like reading/talking about sexual stuff, scroll ahead. I am starting to feel as if I need to be a lot sluttier. For the sake of my sanity, I gotta get cracked by the end of this month, somehow. Cronkite told me I need be willing to indulge in a bit of "unethical" fun while I'm in my twenties. That I've been a bit too puritanical in my approach towards certain social "niceties," y'know? Like, I don't pursue anyone that I find out is in a relationship. I never initiate touch contact without the explicit consent of the other person. This has sometimes been detrimen...