My throat still hurts. I think from screaming. I still didn't send Loopy that segment of me screaming. I'll get on that.
I have a suspicion I failed my drug test. I might be out of a job, whatever.
My current forecast for the FFB is that I don't think anybody is gonna come. Which might be good cause I can't afford the beer and snacks yet.
This current project, you know, it's getting harsher. I've got an entirely new sort of sound I've made on this one. I'm not a songwriter, I'm not a storyteller, but I like talking.
This is gonna be an allllll day post. I'll continue writing through the hours...
KICK THE BALL! God, I love this song.
It's hard to balance the scratches and distress of that real hip-hop stuff. I love it, so much. That's the direction, that's the congestion and looseness I want.
Part of the motivation to make something more transgressive and difficult again is because I'm starting to feel how toothless the moment has become. Nobody's doing anything. We all know it's way more than 1,000,000 people dead in Gaza, we're just not allowed to say that aloud.
You can hear it in the music right now. We're getting into another nostalgia boom, sure, but it's not just that on the surface. It's a disco period we're in the thick of. I think about, yknow, Addison Rae, and that Drake song, Pinkpantheress, Charli XCX. Even, like, Tyla, and Burnaboy.
My throat is still really sore... my head is pounding. Grocery shopping was kind of odd today but it was good to be outside. Hay fever, yknow? Seasonal allergies.
I went back to my apartment, and watched some TV, with my beloved. Twin Peaks! The Return, the revival season. Still good, Lynch and Frost still had it. Rest in peace to him, may the lord be.
I don't think I make a convincing transgender in the eyes of my peers. I dont want to voice train, and I like the clothes I've got. Maybe I don't have it the right way, you know? There are some girls clothes I wanna try, and my partner has provided me some good picks. I wish I could receive some counsel from... never mind. Let's not ruin a good thing.
My problems are looking smaller, today. I'm getting back that useful perspective, that better view from above.
Women! You gotta love em! Men I'm more wishy washy about.
Here's the thing. This album I'm working on, it's not a smooth listen. It's not very kind on the ears. I do not believe it will engender me towards likeability in the eyes of my "superiors." They do watch us, is the thing. You're not supposed to care. I also think it is necessary that I make something divisive, something human. I'm tired of trying to make myself seem cool. I am mentally ill. I am a tranny freak. A black menace. A commie degenerate, a townie hoodlum. I like to do unproductive bullshit, I like to sleep around and do nothing that would make my folks proud. Sometimes I'm well read, sometimes I'm a luddite. I enjoy not having to be either all the time.
I'm barefoot in the shoebox right now. I'm taking it all in, I'm enjoying the antsiness.
Yknow, part of me is kind of glad I've suffered from the fixation, at least for a little while. It's put into perspective my ego, my abilities. My worth. I like myself, and I'm worth something in this world. It's let me remember that I'm not a factor for everyone, I'm not supposed to assume I need to be in anybodys life.
I'm gonna wear black lipstick at the Free Beer Birthday! I'm gonna wear, a red tank top. I'm gonna wear sweatpants! I'm gonna get my hair done! We'll film, and I'll perform! Karaoke! 
I have so much... bashful, boisterous energy in me right now. It's a positive mania, it's been so long! I went on a walk around the apartment building, it was so fun! I got to see all the colors, on the walls, the ceilings! I got to see the city, I was so high! I love seeing the people! Hi people! I love you! I love you, Detroit!
I belive in myself! I believe in my family, my friends... we'll all make it, guys! We'll all make it! Oh my God... this is so beautiful, I don't know what's happening! It's a magical moment!
They blew a raspberry on my stomach when I was exposed! They attacked me by surprise; AGHHHHHH!!!
It's so wonderful, its like... it's so cliche to say it, but it's like magic! The contrast can be so dark, so violent, but this feeling... oh, it's just like that day. That day, I remember it! I remember... I remember the dog, and the lights on the bathroom. I remember the rally, I remember the bar! I remember Mortal Kombat! I remember that I should probably shut up! It's too fun, guys. It's like they made crack legal!
We have made it through the worst times, everyone. The worst has come again, but it's okay! We're all part of the same moment, an irreplaceable moment! To be able to share it with you all... that's a gift. I'm sorry for those of us taken so tragically, so unnecessarily. My heart goes out to them. Those that I could meet... your very presence was my honor.
I'm still in Detroit, guys! Whatever you need me to be, I'll be it! As long as I can be me!
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