Good afternoon. Some more sobered journaling today.
In the mean time, before all of that, I'm watching Fire Walk With Me at work again.
Unfortunately I have become one of those people that get really annoying about Lynch. I will try to be brief, with just two sentences:
FWWM should be in the national film registry. Unfortunately though, we are currently living under a fascist dictatorship, where good things don't happen.
There's nothing to be sad about today. Everything is so lovely. Except... I haven't heard back from Remas in a few days. I pray she is okay. The most uncertain factor of my life right now, without question. I believe it is worth it regardless. Every day I check three things on my phone:
1. Al Jazeera (real)
2. Democracy Now (real)
3. Instagram DM (Remas)
No, I am not trying to be little miss armchair leftist on purpose, I just kind of have this problem where I have a full-time job and am kind of strapped for time. It sucks. I miss being able to go to actions without having to haggle with my supervisor.
I also keep up with Manal and Ibrahim on WhatsApp, but texting doesn't count as being on my phone (shut up).
You know what I'm thinking about right now? The menu music in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven. I'm catching the Jojo bug again. I'm gonna catch up with Jojolands, and also maybe start actually tearing through Jojolion. I remember reading 30 chapters or so and just... forgetting to finish it. Jojolion, I mean.
I think it's because of the music I've been listening to lately. Araki is just as brain poisoned about New Wave as I am. That's both New Wave, the music from the70's and 80's, and the French New Wave, the film scene of the 50's and 60's. Equally corrosive to the developing brain, you know. The urge to write stories about people feeling things instead of just doing things... and also wanting to make weird, wobbly songs about fucking. We've gotta merge these things together, you know. I'm gonna be watching some Varda movies after work because I don't... well actually, let me think. I was gonna say I don't feel like Big Pink tonight, but I'm thinking about it...
No, yeah, I am going to watch a film instead.
Forgive me, Munch.
We're picking Cleo, from 5-7 tonight. I might also fit in Kung-Fu Master, if I'm feeling particularly open to devastation. I might actually do Sans Toit Ni Loi, if we're keeping it real. I'm using the French name because it seems cooler to use instead of Vagabond, because that's the kind of annoying I'm choosing to be today.
That duo I mention in every other entry, I must tell you. Even as they are apart, this truth remains intact. They both work in pictures, you know. Photography...
It is that vanity I felt that deterred me from wanting to ever learn more about the craft. I was very afraid of investing in it. Now, not so much, I am prohibited more by money these days, rather than emotion. But I guess some of the emotive tethers are still there, actually. I get the feeling, like, "This isn't my turf, I will not step on it. I should stick to my mediums."
It's a silly sort of idea, but... I cannot help but admit, this is what's bouncing around in my head.
I felt bad for taking passable photos on my old phone, because my account was private. Nobody could repost anything I ever posted, it was great! That little incubus, he himself would express to me, more than once, his frustrations with my privacy. And now I'm an open book, and guess what? I've lost that luster, it is so freeing.
Remember the golden ass? At the DIA, the Donkey that everybody can touch? You see what I mean, I am sure.
So much of what inspires me is that sort of shamelessness I was indulging. Back when I was in an unhealthy situation, if I can beat that dead horse once more. I will not mention that anymore. I can instead focus on the now.
What I am feeling now, is... what worked, and what didn't? When was it too much? I am speaking of my attempt to understand our Oberon/Titania situation. Oberon is in another state, I may never see him again, you know. He would never be open to meet, even on a good day. And even if he was, there'd be a snag. I do wish this was easier, to just be able to hang out with someone. We're all so busy these days.
Titania is estranged, and from this point I should consider my knowing her to be outdated, insignificant. I do not know her; she's just somebody else now.
There was a customer that kind of pissed me off on the phone, but I'm gonna choose to not think about it. But they're probably gonna tell my supervisor I was rude or something. Whatever, I'm just kind of tired of people going out of their way to make you do extra work when there is an easier solution. Nobody wants to just read something for 30 seconds, they need to make somebody explain everything to them like a baby. Whatever.
I'm doing fine though. I'll see you guys soon.
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