The general assembly stuff, I'm not sure guys. As far as I'm seeing, these moves are coming a bit too late, and yet... the recognition of Palestine in any regard is a step up from turning a blind eye to a genocide, y'know. Abbas be blessed, I think the real story of the decade is this flotilla business. This stretch has to work, I'm 100% convinced they will make it. The only way they couldn't is if Israel kills citizens of NATO pact states. They'd have to kill Greta, y'know? Optics, Hasbara is all about optics.
Now, what happens to them after making it ashore, I couldn't tell you. I just need to see their feet on the ground, in the strip. Not in Israel, in Gaza, in Palestine.
Y'know what's funny? Manal and Remas have both picked up on how timid I've been when texting lately. They know me well enough to tell when my tone changes just through words on a screen.
I really am the worst. Right now, I'm listening to music in the car before I punch in for work. As always, I will be writing during my shift, but I wanted a head start today.
Yesterday's beatmaking class went well.
Good Americans all around. The kid was still being a knucklehead, but I must admit I've become endeared to his hard headed Ness. Apparently his dad is in the NBA. I believe him, those guys never stick around enough.
All your life you've never seen
Woman taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Will you ever win?
Will you ever win?
The kind of song that puts me in that sky sort of mood, when I know it's near the end. It's that feeling I felt when I went up there, y'know? Sometimes I like to laugh at how frustrating it is. As convinced as I try to be, I'll never shake that sort of knowing. I will never be a woman; you don't have to remind me. I remember seeing my Mom lose that smile on her face when she folded my bra and put it into my clothes. She had to ask twin, "Is this yours?" She already knew when she asked, she was just holding out hope for something easier to stomach. I love my family, you know. What they don't tell you about "standing on business" is that it's actually not fucking fun at all. It sucks... but I will tell you what's fun. It's fun to stand above the bitterness and have a laugh. Sometimes it makes me loosen my grip on myself, but it's worth it to get that look I love.
It reminded me of that incredible picture of my Grandma looking at Dad. There's such a smug little expression to that, never seen anyone else in my family give a look like that. Except for me, because that's a problem when I do it. If I can, I'll throw that in.
This entry title, I thought that would be cheeky y'know. With the Flotilla and everything, ehhh. Whatever.
What I've lamented is that the eyeliner stick I used to do the dot matrix look on my face is dead, so now I can't look like the last time I saw 'em. That's just as well, I guess. I've revealed a little too much of myself, and now I'm not appealing.
Hmm. How do those mysterious nonchalant people do it? Makes no sense. If I go two, three weeks without hanging out with somebody I literally start to go insane. Depersonalization comes quick in this system of mine. If there was a transparent anatomical manikin of my body, there'd be a whole new organ in my head that lights up red, dedicated to triggering anxiety attacks.
I was reading Berserk at work today. Not helping the case against my possibly neurotic condition. I hate to say it guys... it's peak. They sucked me in; they had me at the moment the God Hand revealed that ugly dude's lie.
You know what song was in my hand whenever Guts was slicing dudes up left and right? Close To You, by The Carpenters.
Why do stars fall from the sky...
Every time you walk by?
Just like me...
They long to be...
Close to you...
Im working at the Ice Rink today, and let me tell you... I can't wipe this smile off my mug. I've got an apple slice from cheek to cheek on my face today, cause I looked in the mirror, and let me tell you? That's a good lookin' cat today. That's a rockstar.
There's that goody two shoes I missed so bad, there's that smiling devil! Look at me all sly and slick-backed. They had my number up there in that college town, let me say it so y'all can hear it. I remember what I was on that day... I was the real Gabriel Gamlin that day. The genuine article. She's a real star when you get a chance to meet her. I had this dumb fuckin smile on my face the whole time, and I had on these goofy sunglasses I love so much...
I bet reading this blog, you rightfully assumed I must never be in a good mood, huh? And it wouldn't be your fault for thinking that, but let me tell you reader... ever since shaking off the dust from that chapter, I've taken time to figure it out. And what I figured out is what I already knew.
I'm everything I knew I was. I'm worth all the trouble!
Confidence! I got it back, and I'm gonna hold onto it for a few miles. A few years, I'm gunning for that. I'm gonna get my knuckles white and red from how tight I'm gonna be holding onto that, believe me.
Last time I saw one of 'em, I was still trapped in that little vortex. It's like a walking dungeon, it comes in a Doritos bag just like the Tacos. That's how cheap that situation could feel, y'know?
Old news! And I won't lie about the confusion, yknow? Im still mushy and dreary in this body, I won't deny it. But I'm gonna remember what I can do. I'm gonna remember what I've got.
I am everything they say I am. Maybe I'm two faced, maybe I'm a saint. Maybe I'm indecisive, maybe I'm a genius. Whatever they're saying about me, you can bet I'll give you that, and then some.
Bite! That's what I want from myself. That's what the people want! They should be lucky we want the same thing!
I'm doing just fucking incredible. I'll see you guys soon! Whether you like it or not!
No comments:
Post a Comment