The chest feels unsure, lightened with the flutter of wings. Everything came into place for just a moment... it was a simplicity so intoxicating. It's enough to drive me mad.
The feeling of grey takes shape in my heart for another time, in the same place. The sky outside is blue, and the weather is nice... it feels inappropriate to be so temperamental. It's started to affect my personality; I can't maintain my best self as much as I'd wish to anymore. I remember last night, I had a blast. I met with French Guy! French Guy is awesome! So then, it's confusing that I'm thinking like this.
Even the way I'm writing conveys more emotion than is authentic to my current condition. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. Not since High School.
I could do a desk job. I'm ready for it. I might get a gig at a call center soon. Skip this gig, y'know. I do good stuff in this job, but my supervisor hates me. It's whatever. I'll get a job where my mind doesn't move. I won't move.
I'm finally getting what I wanted. I feel like I'm moving back into the ACE spectrum. All Beta waves, no stimulus. It took having it all to realize I really don't think I should have sex. It's different from wanting, it's about what is right, what makes sense.
I gotta see about chemical castration. If I could get that done one day, it would be worth it. Like, I'd get my balls cut off, but I wouldn't be getting a vaginoplasty, it's not a trans thing. At least, not really.
Ohhhhh, Excedrin on an empty stomach, I missed youuuuuuu. I always forget why I don't take painkillers, and then I remember. This is so good, man. Addiction is so fucking stupid. It'll just be the two for today, no more. Whenever I take too many it's like, wow, this is what being neurotypical feels like. This rules.
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