Visual Dump 2

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9/7/25 - 1800

"Sometimes, it's best to remember wisdom. Sometimes, I must remember that I all I can ever know is that I don't know anything. I have no idea who anybody ever is." This is the only section of my original entry for today that I still believe is true. I believe it is the only passage that authentically conveys what is in my heart. It's now been a good 13 hours since I left Big Pink. That's right, I ended up going, had a blast. People liked my dancing again, that's always nice to hear. TV Lounge was nice too, the music was better, but its a great place to sit down and let my mind slip away. It was in doing that I realized that very same sadness you see in quotes. Sometimes I read my past entries, and I notice what I've lost about myself. I used to be a more poetic person, a more verbose person, before this job stripped all of that out of me. I used to be someone worth knowing. I think that day, the day of my first call-off, was the day that ruined it all....
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11/24/25 - Rêve

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Before we begin, please click the link to donate to Manal's kids Despite everything, you seem to hang on. You still believe in me. I don't know why. But you're still watching me. Even though it feels like I've done everything to push you all away. My brain has a hard time with understanding the concept of being supported or cared about. I don't say that to seem unique. I mean to say that I don't understand how it works for other people. My parents love me, my friends love me, and I don't know why. I love them, and I see so much beauty in them. I don't see much of anything in myself. They say within low self esteem hides a sort of narcissism or arrogance. It's a self obsession predicated on guilt and shame👎👎. I'm learning to understand that I must think less about how I measure up to everybody else. I have to remember what I know that I am. I'm tossing all of my alcohol. The Jager, the Miller, the Cider, all of it. All gone. All of it. I don...
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1/2/26 - I Have A Woman Inside My Soul

I have a woman inside my soul Her eyes somber and sad She waves her hand to try to reach me But I don′t know what she says I wish I knew what she says I wish I knew what she wants I wish I knew what she says to me I wish I knew what she means to me Let me tell you... more than anything else I've come to understand in the past year, I've ruminated on a singularly shameful revelation about myself like crazy. And I don't feel bad about it, I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm a slut. Im a real romantic psycho, all I can think about is that girl. I'm a real hopeless munch, a bread headed dog. I'm thinking this year I'm gonna let it out a little bit. I'm gonna maybe catch something, but I can manage. Open air will always carry that risk... I'd welcome it just for her. It's the mystery of it, that wherewithal to wonder and peck at my own interest. I need to know this girl, I want her to talk to me for hours and hours. I want to fall asleep to her voice, y...
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