8/24/26 - Friends

Yeah, there's a horse on my back
And I may be stomped flat
But my loneliness is gone
All my loneliness is gone
There's a horse on my back
Gives me all that I need

I've experienced an emotional and psychological breakdown. The last week saw a period of crying spells, delirium, chronic pain, hallucinations, mania, and psychosis. None of this is exaggerated.

All because I hate my job, I hate my home life, and I hate the world I am living in.

It was so bad last week that I believed that aliens were real, and that I was an alien and everybody knew but me, and everybody saw a fucked up alien face and body but I couldn't see it cause of space illusion magic, and that if I was alone the other Crystal Gem Steven Universe Aliens were gonna come kill me. All because somebody made an (admittedly well made/clever) analogue horror creepy pasta thing about a children's cartoon that I, in fact, loved as a kid.

I developed this 2-3 day psychosis that I'm still coming down from because the dread of my job coincided with a bout of serious constipation from (I think) some sort of bad food or something like that. Not sure. As I continued to use the restroom with the help of diuretics and health stuff, I've gradually gotten the toxins out of my body so I don't feel the physical symptoms anymore, and I'm not currently experiencing what I can only describe as borderline schizophrenia. But the mental anguish has persisted.

I'm at my parents house working on my resume and applying to a bunch of other jobs. I identified that 90% of my pent-up depression and stress was from how bleak it feels to know that I was settling for a miserable job just because the economy is in shambles.

No more settling. That has been killing me. Literally. I'm in a lot of pain, in my body, from stress. I can't thug this shit out anymore. It's time for a change.

I am gonna change. My life is going to change. And I will be myself.

Whatever he's got in his hand
You can get it on your own


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