9/22/26 - Christopher Robin

The work week has started a little rough in some ways. Got that crick in my back already, I don't feel like a kid this week, thank God. I feel so old, and so tired.

Left the wet clothes in the washer so I gotta do it over again. Missed Manal's texts, but Remas assured me she's alright. Gnats re-nesting in the sink drain, too much laundry to stomach. Car keys stopped working, had to walk down 8 Mile to get a fix.

But I liked the walk. At first it seemed like a terrible hassle, but... I love the day when I'm outside in the air. Headin' down a street just too familiar, it let me see it with open eyes, my misfortune. I had that jazz in my head, those keyboards and fingers I'll always see in the beige and grey.

I remembered the tinny familiarity of dreams in the rough, stepping aside the pit to let the sky wash over me as I find my place as one of the millions once again. One of the billions, let me stand corrected.

I was thinking about what she might be. I'm thinking I gotta stop thinking about ideals, I gotta get away from absolutes. There's no he or she. I keep seeing their face in so many people. I hear her voice now, in a great many more than I thought I would. And I know I must understand a person by what they choose to show me, I can't tarry with my ideas and delusions.

I remember her, more than I probably should.

Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

I can't get that song out of my head. I don't wanna be a kid again. But I can't help but understand. I can't help but relate to that feeling. Back to those days of Christopher Robin and Pooh... it's a little corny, but I can only be honest. 

Because you see it's the monotony that's got to me

Every afternoon like the last one

Every afternoon like a rerun next to Dot Hook

And yeah we look the same

Both pumpin' steel, both sweatin'

But you know she got nothin' to hide

And I got something to hide here called desire

I was thinking about those old Charlie Brown songs by the Vince Girualdi Trio on the walk to O'Reillys.

I remember the way those kids would gripe and dance around and kvetch so freely. And I see that within me these days, huh. I guess everybody is some kinda kid, if they're lucid enough to think.

I was thinking about Sandman, about Judee Sill, about Al Green. Bouncing from man to man, feeling to feeling. But I felt good in my stride, I was looking around, looking forward.

As I walked through the underpass, I remembered how I expected to be sleeping under there, like all those folks that look like me. I see my face in every beggar. All the homeless folks, they wear their faces just like I do. And I don't wanna change. I thank God that my efforts reached the right channels, cause it's never "fault" that factors into the circumstance, huh?

What cushion has somebody got? I got plenty. Maybe they just had none. And I know the Earth loves them, even if they can't feel it in the cold, on the concrete.

I don't want a smartphone anymore, yknow? Less artifice. I like to hear from my friends and family, it warms my heart. I like to know the news and the stuff I gotta check out in our real world... but the tweets, the reels, the comments. Fuck all of that, pardon my language.

I believe in the air. I believe in the promise of today.

So it's why I can't bother with the posturing these days. This project, I want no illusions. I want something that's right as rain. It's like a scent, a road, an animal. It's not just files.

Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

Maybe it is just nostalgia. But I'm not with the wave anymore. I figured out more of what I want, what I'm blessed with, what I do. And I want to learn grace, like I see her eyes.

I do admire that she wants to see me as something real, fully corporeal. Beyond an illusion. I like that she's not impressed, she seems to just care. Doesn't feel like theres something I need to prove. She doesn’t want to objectify me, thank God.

We still dont know enough of what's going on here. I dunno. I feel honored to be given the room to calm down and do as the Romans do, for once.

In a life full of complications, I can value a feeling that ties them together into something I remember from those easier days. If the grey feels familiar, I know I can weather it.

Back to the ways of Christopher Robin and Pooh

Ill reveal a touch of vanity, right? I do love her. That's all.

Ill see you guys soon.