9/1/26 - Niagara Falls

And it ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
But we never did too much talking anyway
But don't think twice, it's all right

Slow progress on the projects right now. My uncertain health has made it difficult to rest my head in a spot that feels comfortable. I can't think about the tender things while my room is so dirty, y'know.

I can't help but think... it's okay that it's ending. It's okay that it's too late. I've done my best. I'm gonna live to be a hundred years old, all through trying my best. I can't wait to see fifty, that much I'm sure of.

It's going to be a painful world we'll see. The times approaching are unsightly. I'm ready for it. No matter what happens.

I cant wait to grow old. I can't wait to share my stories. It keeps me going, that promise. That hope.

I'm gonna keep making my songs, writing my stories, doing these entries. One day, there will be a thousand of each. My hair will be gray, matted down to the ankles. I'll have been threatened and challenged a million times, and I'll have the guts to stand my ground about it. I know it.

I don't know if my life will ever look like the pictures, but it will be mine regardless.

People seem to have a hard time figuring out what my deal is. I can see the promise of what I've got today. I know I'm not meant to be known that way. Sometimes I have to be something new, that's alright. I frustrate something within the hearts of some folks, I'm learning. Nothing I say or do, just the way I look, how I talk. People don't like it. That's alright.

Change your nature, change your destiny. That's what those woo-woo internet yokels told me. They are probably correct, thus I'm learning to change.

Now, little boy lost, he takes himself so seriously
He brags of his misery, he likes to live dangerously
And when bringing her name up
He speaks of a farewell kiss to me
He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
Muttering small talk at the wall while I'm in the hall
How can I explain
It's so hard to get on
And these visions of Johanna, they kept me up past the dawn

I wanna go back to Niagara. As a matter of fact... I'd like to see about living there.
I guess it really was the mist that got me. I was up there with my Mom some years ago, when I was a teen. It was a beautiful trip. I can't be cowardly about it. I can't let nostalgia run my world. I gotta keep my eyes on the danger, I have to keep giving my all to the world. But I gotta be able to lay down, maybe. If that's for me, I'll know in my last visit. I'll know then.

Before then, I gotta see Wheatley. Just for a day. I gotta sit near the water. The dirt water, the scum of Erie Beach. That's what I remember.

Tunnel tiles of white and green, you see the blue and orange on the other side of the river. Where sense begins, where I wasn't afforded a chance.
A better life can be mine, if I can learn to pray. If I can learn to pray, I won't have to worry.

Anyways... I've got eat.
See you soon.

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