HK Blog

I used to be Atlas, wouldn't you know it? To the chagrin of those who hold a vested interest in my self improvement and growth, I'm gonna write about it again. Dwelling on these people is a little embarrassing, but it is oh so fun. I fucked around and made my own soap opera. And by some force of immense loathing and tragedy, I got to be a character in this bullshit. I guess in a year of new-found strength and victories, my most poignant failure always seems to stick out in my head. I might be the only person alive who is actually looking forward to hearing my therapist tell me all the ways I suck ass. I need to hear it, because Jean Michel won't tell me. And I know if she gave a shit, she'd really let me have it. She'll never tell me anything, ain't that a laugh. We aren't close enough to make that necessary, wouldn't you know it. Deanna has been telling me I should have some more self respect, yknow. Specifically she said I should *gulp* block  her. I f...

I didn't get jack shit done today. My chin has broken out and looks a mess. I stopped doing my skin routine for a few days and my skin paid for it🫲😮‍💨🫱 serves me fuckin' right. I played video games for over 5 hours during this break. We are returning to homeostasis.Yes, this is what we do, is it not? We are an organism animated by pursuits of ecstasy and leisure. I let the fantasy of the virtual realm overtake my senses for the sake of keeping me away from more carnal pursuits. I don't want to visit the strip club, I want to be a stripper. I wish I was sexy, you know. Just for one day. My first ever therapy appointment was quite alright. I understand I will need to divulge a bit more in the upcoming weeks... I don't mind it. I don't mind it at all. You all know how much I love to talk. And gossip, it's all to essential to my character. Maybe I like the idea of being speculated upon. I'm into it. Let me be your hot topic, y'know? Somebody with as frum...

I went just about everywhere but a bad place, this day. I must be grateful for a blessing like this. I must understand what God means to tell me through such fortune. Everything starts to seem so eclectic when contrasted with my "normal." The hermit becomes the pedestrian, seems like. A minor faction like myself has no allegiance to anything but a moment. And in this moment, I am not allegiant to my abstinence towards drinking. I quite like Captain Morgan, a capable fellow if do say so myself. Blue collar jobs, blue collar mindsets. You find yourself having it slip into the way you think, how you eat food, how you wake up in the morning, how you speak to a figure so fair. You lose a willingness to exert in the looser hours of life. What a boon that can be, in the right hands. I find myself taken by the prose of the captain myself, I am drawn to his charisma! His poise, and his strength. I must sleep in my car. Thou asketh of vocation; I answer to you the plainest of honesty. ...

I have consumed no less than 7,000lbs of Baklava over the course of 72 hours. God... I fucking love Baklava... I hope they burn Israel to the ground. This has been a glorious day. The flow is so sublime today. Therapy tommorow, I can get the transfer tommorow. Yeah this money growing old like grand... parents. Dude... day so good I had to get focused just to make sure I don't backslide too bad. What did I hear about Sudan today? Nothing. That's bothering me. We were talking about boycotts during Thanksgiving. My solution to politics at Thanksgiving comes in two stages: Archimedean Analysis, and Playing The Dozens. The Dozens is when you roast someone/something competitively. Anything someone says that seems conservative or disparaging can be ignored by simply saying something funnier than the rightoid can muster to counter. Man I am NOT in the correct mindset to be blogging. I'm usually supposed to be romantic or wistful or poetic or moody. Right now I'm floating on a c...

I need this move in to be smooth. I need this to work. I need something to work. ... We're at a juncture where music is keeping me out of traffic. Will this bitch ever have a good day? Fuck off. I'm having a good day. I just know that I'm not what my peers would like me to be yet. I know. I know it. I don't pass well enough to sell the honesty of my emotions and intentions. Everything I do will be filtered through the lens of "this is a confused man." Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do. The progress isn't fast enough for anyone. There are only so many people in my life who believe me. Only one of them lives near me. Hmm. I'm stuck in these working class jobs for the rest of my life if I can't force myself to be more like what pleases everyone else. It's not helpful to know what is true or untrue, healthy or not. The right thing doesn't work, does it? Whatever. I'll tell you why I'm processing everything so late: ...

Right now I'm walking laps around the indoor track at work listening to the Egyptian singer Sherine. She had a song that has become associated with the Palestinian Liberation Movement. What I'm sure some of you might know about the Spanish language is that it is greatly influenced by Levantine and Maghreb Islamic culture alike. This is mostly a result of the Moroccan Al-Andalus imperial rule over Spain, I won't waste time over the history. But if you listen to Spanish, in the Americas and in Spain, you will hear a similar pace and tonality in its spoken word to that found in Arabic dialects. What I think flies under the radar is how similar Latin music, both their more traditional/folk stuff like Norte as well as their Jazz and dance music and beyond, shares a lot of DNA with Arabic world musical styles. I'm listening to Sherine's live performance of Ana Alby Eleik Mayyal . I'm always hearing the same flavor of vocal runs here as I hear in Norte. In Arabic world...

Before we begin, please click the link to donate to Manal's kids Despite everything, you seem to hang on. You still believe in me. I don't know why. But you're still watching me. Even though it feels like I've done everything to push you all away. My brain has a hard time with understanding the concept of being supported or cared about. I don't say that to seem unique. I mean to say that I don't understand how it works for other people. My parents love me, my friends love me, and I don't know why. I love them, and I see so much beauty in them. I don't see much of anything in myself. They say within low self esteem hides a sort of narcissism or arrogance. It's a self obsession predicated on guilt and shame👎👎. I'm learning to understand that I must think less about how I measure up to everybody else. I have to remember what I know that I am. I'm tossing all of my alcohol. The Jager, the Miller, the Cider, all of it. All gone. All of it. I don...