HK Blog

Frontloading Update on what I look like! I've gotten... REALLY skinny. Maybe I'm just used to being unsuitable for swimwear modeling. That picture of me in the red coat... I look like a fucking gremlin. God. No wonder my parents wanted to kick me out.  My neck still does that  and I'm deciding it is not good to have body dysmorphia so I will be Ignoring. It. Last thing: I'm saving up to get my hair did. I WILL ( spelled double you eye ell ell ) post face when that happens. This was so weird but I loved it! I might have the taste of wild boar. DRANK MAN, PLEASE! IM THIRSTY! IM READY, IM TRYNA POUR UP! I got too tipsy I was gonna call him I- Let's be adults. This cake... this shit busted inside and ghosted me, nigga. On some real shit. But enough about yesterday... Here's the main event: The Meat Seeing old friends, it's a bittersweet feeling. In every meeting after an age, it...

I think that it's easier to imagine it as a symptom that goes in and out. This might be the healthiest way to look at it. It's an irritant I'll be able to compartmentalize. My throat still hurts. I think from screaming. I still didn't send Loopy that segment of me screaming. I'll get on that. I have a suspicion I failed my drug test. I might be out of a job, whatever. My current forecast for the FFB is that I don't think anybody is gonna come. Which might be good cause I can't afford the beer and snacks yet. This current project, you know, it's getting harsher. I've got an entirely new sort of sound I've made on this one. I'm not a songwriter, I'm not a storyteller, but I like talking. This is gonna be an allllll day post. I'll continue writing through the hours... KICK THE BALL! God, I love this song. It's hard to balance the scratches and distress of that real hip-hop stuff. I love it, so much. That's the...

I've seen kinder faces. The most welcome voices I could hear. I've seen some friends I thought I'd never seen again. Today, I'll try to savor that. I want to be grateful, to be more aligned with a greater character. The bright side of things. I think want to frontload this post with some more positive news. I want to at least make an effort to let some light in. My parents recently bought two parakeets! I'm so excited to see them! I've been going to the club a lot more recently, with mixed results, but I'm just glad to be outside again.  I got my drug test and physical done for the job, I really need this job! I hope I do well. It's a parks and rec gig, it'll be fine. At least I'll still be in Detroit. Mixed feelings, but I believe I will be okay, one day. I'm kind of dreading my birthday, still, but I think it will be fun anyways. I think I can do it. I'm reading again! I'm creating again! I've a renewed interest in all of my fav...

Ugh. I'd rather write with a more proper tone, is the thing. I'm just not feeling verbose today. It's only congestion, fatigue, back to back everything on my plate. Not allowed to lay my head down. I'm almost looking forward to this job now. I'm concerned about getting fatty liver, I've been eating quite a bit of junk lately. It's all I can afford. I don't call the shots anymore. No lessons were learned, no knowledge was gleaned. Tommorow comes today. The grass really is greener on their side. At least I know it to be true now. I'm not a good person. I'd kill for some Benihana. I miss having money. Remas hasn't responded to my DM. I'm hoping to God she's okay. I don't like being at home if nobody else is there. This isn't the most interesting post, is it? Let me talk about what I'm working on. Workshopping some concepts for another set of songs, it's a little too ambitious. The idea is rly gestalt, it's just herita...

Part of me thinks that I did, in fact, ruin it, but he's just too gracious to say that aloud. It is within his right. The delusion has returned with some force, it's more sobered in it's approach but it's lingering, still. I'm starting to think I gotta abandon the midi clip shuffle style I use. GF is doing a lot with mixing and doing live set practice, I think. I have a certain method but I know its not industry standard. It's what I used for Die Geier. I think about when I tried to mix James Brown and failed. Live music is harder to sequence or sync. Thinking about the groove that guy had with his drum machine, it was so classic! I'm glad he was there, he was the coolest part of Space Dive. They pushed my start date back to the 9th. So no money for even longer. Whatever. I'll put to bed my aspirations of being around other people for at least another two weeks. Let me tell you my plan, for my birthday. I didn't want to formal...

I was gonna post a really angry blog post but instead I'll just post this This is me

I've been feeling ungrateful lately.  The active emotion I felt upon waking up today was fear. I'm not going outside as often as I used to. I'm afraid of being seen. I don't want to make other people uncomfortable, and it's a bit of trap, isn't it? Not very becoming of a public  documenter to be agoraphobic, antisocial. Maybe it's the isolation. Self imposed, I might add. My confidence, and well-being these days, is largely influenced by how flush I am at a given moment. Just one responsibility drains it all back to nothing, is the thing. I feel confident to face my friends when I have enough to ensure I can provide for them in a outing. How superficial, how trite! Sometimes I love myself, I can be a little vain, can't I? I was taking my estrogen, and my girlfriend touched their nose to mine, to kiss me while my mouth was unavailable. Very cute. I guess they're why I keep up the search, why I bother trying to stay afloat in the job pool at all. I bel...