HK Blog

 You would think I swore at his mother, the way he carries himself around me. Everyday it's another little nitpick, another sliver of a chance to judge. He doesn't care at all, what a guy. One of these days he's gonna extend my probation or fire me, either one. Maybe I'll be like him when I'm older. If that is the case, you've got to come kill me. That's a clone. In working on this project, y'know... I'm more selective with the final cut this time. I'm choosing to be as shrewd as I can be about it. A couple demos in and there's still only one track I'm satisfied with, and I'm not mad about it. Leg   doesn't sound like the version I put on Instagram a few days ago, I moved into a better direction. It's pocket lint for Brian Eno; I'm moving back into the better portion of my influences. What helped me for a few years was a sense of competition, a sense of pride in knowing I have peers to look up to. Every artist I meet becom...

I don't think I have anything redeemable or intelligent to add today. I just wanted to apologize to all my friends who read my blog for my bizarre behavior lately. Ive become much less of myself than I usually hope to be. I think I'm ready to close this chapter of my life. I don't really know what I'm gonna do after today, but I have decided to sit down aside the path, and sleep. I'm not walking anymore, I'm not dreaming anymore. I'm letting the wind whistle through my head, to use an expression. No more feelings, no more mania. I wish you all nothing but success. --------- Okay I lied. I have one more thought. The families are all still here. Manal, Remas, Ibrahim... they're all still alive. If the Lord has any heart at all, he'll let them grow old in peace. I hope that he can forgive what I have become. I hope that he recognizes the beauty of these people. I hope he never fails them. I hope the nightmare can end for everyone. I hope one day they ca...

How can you bear your soul like that with a thousand eyes staring at you? The thing is, it's pretty easy. If it's everyone, it's everyone. So, nobody is different, nobody is special in bearing witness. It's scary for me when it's the same eyes. When it's always the same eyes. It's scarier that I should be able to run away from just one person, right? But where can I go, where they won't find me? If it is the case that I can never truly get away... let it be a strain. Let it be a real test. Greed Island, let's make a game of it. I'm not gonna make it easy. How much can I reveal, how much can I say... I think to point out the image that's hanging over my imagination may help make me more coherent. I keep coming back to Top of the Pops. I keep coming back to 10cc. I'm Not In Love , God, I wish. It would be so much easier if it didn't matter. I'm not in love... so don't forget it... it's just a silly phase I'm going throug...

I'm throwing my hands up and yelling "Waterloo!" at the mirror. I don't know what happened to all of that beautiful restraint I used to coast along with; something happened to me. It's been everything but helpful to my self image. Look at me, I'm an asshole now. I have got to become more approachable. On this track I've drafted up, I'm using a lot of takes of deep breathing. Breathing in rhythm with the emotion, not always just the beat. When I attempt to implement some more uncomfortable things in this work, I try to center the methodology with what I've picked up from David Lynch's work. A lot of his works deal with that psychosexual fringe of need and want. A lot of what happens with the "emotional world" of his material is that we're shown a certain gradient of harm and selfishness that creeps into what is, at it's core, natural. The works don't deny any beauty or love inherent to sexuality as a social need. I feel t...

The cones and rods are seeing the same colors they always have, just in different places. This particular spot likes to throw the rainbow at me, it's a nice refreshment for the eyes. You know they've moved me around like 4 times this week? This facility is fucking beautiful. Why don't they let me work here? Because then it'd get to my head. Those bastards, they’re so slick! These Detroiters, they aren't Americans. They couldn't be. They’re French. They smell like it. So what does it say about me that I really like Macy's cologne? I'm a whore. Every time I get off work, I remember that I'm single now (I know) so I actually have to find stuff to do again. And hence this album is goin' smooth. The feeling behind it is really shameful, real disgusting. It's so fun, right? I think I'm enjoying myself just a little too much. Is there another downswing on the way? It was rough for a minute, but I'm doing good now, y'know? We're still...

She's talking to me again, she's alive. She and her daughter. Life can keep rolling, hearing from Remas is a blessing. Manal is also surviving and alive, as well as her three kids. Everything is moving the right way. The bottom line just not yet broken. I was talking to my twin about co-renting. They've already got a spot in their sights on the east side, things are looking good. I might have a hangout ready for Friday, I'm looking forward to that. God, I am looking forward to that. Did I mention I'm looking forward to things? I am experiencing what many scientists are calling "Optimism." More on that later. I messed up my eyeliner today so now my eyes hurt. Because... of course. But that's immaterial to the condition of goodness I'm choosing to plant myself in today. Goodness, goodness, flashing yellow. I forget what cartoon character said to move like that. Been stressed about stupid stuff lately, if you can believe it. If youuuuu, cannnnn, beli...

I nearly had a psychological break today. My parents helped me come back from the brink. I've been experiencing some paranoia and anxiety at work, you know. I was on a tangent regarding my fears to some trusted coworkers, and they pulled me back to the real world. I keep slipping lately. I keep falling out my skin. When I left my car I had trouble walking. I was starting to bias left into the grass, I think I was uncomfortable with walking on the pavement. I was having maladaptive anxieties about my supervisor firing me and using his authority to bar me from collecting unemployment. I thought my coworkers were going to assault me if I spoke any words to them. I've taken a minute to sit down. I'm still not mentally relaxed. I'm still feeling panicked and confused. But I can control what I do with it. I am learning to accept that maybe I am not a good person. Maybe I am not good. Maybe I deserve what I feel. I think all of that is wrong actually. It's still here. I lo...