HK Blog

I'm not comfortable with the idea. I don't like the sound I'm looking to create right now. It's the same thing I machinated with Ave and Banshee. I'm looking to let the sound build itself. I'm starting with a more gestalt approach of naked bass lines and voice, and I'm gonna master those together. Bit of low pass on those, but leave the drums alone. I'll let them sit atop the mix, but they won't get as much gain. I'm gonna record in BandLab rather than Ableton. I don't like Ableton for vocals, idc. The songs I tend to write with lyrics are a little jangly sounding. Which I don't hate, I'm still stuck on writing what I want to hear from myself. Which isn't congruent to what I should really be making. I have to think a bit more morose. The feeling of the sound is resonant with the tones and colors of the most bittersweet dreams from my childhood. The same stuff I wrote about in undergrad. My professor liked those writings. I'm n...

Getting through the gruff of the blue monday is always exhausting, a psychosexual tax on a mind that ever wanders. Power went out in my building for hours, I took a nap. I was struck with the correct vision for the middle track of the project, Vampires Wearing Cardigans In Michigan . More Grouper, less Sonic Youth. The malaise of a new beginning... the dirge like slurry of urban conflict, the morrow pressing against the mountains of stagnation. Peppered morsels of knowledge sitting on this plate in front of me, but it's presented on a most unserious dish.  It's the Niagara Falls Rainforest Cafe plastic plate that my Mom bought my sister and I, from back way back in my early childhood. And yet I've had a lot of fun in the days preceding this nothingness. I made a new friend, and got sushi. I gossiped and joked around for hours with some dear friends on Saturday. I looked over the savings totals for the donations, I want to transfer soon. Manal needs something. Anything. I ne...

And I am just a jangling man, been in the cold too long, a-long, a-long And I live with a Raggedy Ann, we never had any money, is it really so wrong? I feel the spirit of the age, man. I'm within it. I cannot subscribe to the mindset of my betters, my parents and family, to be above the world system. I must relish in the humanity of the world system. And I want to try my best to change it. I have to understand the world, I must be in it. I hear a somber sound in my mind. The last two tracks come together. The last two tracks make their mark, yes.  This will be a short entry. There is only one thing I think about. Despite the Hinge hangout going well... I met with some friends again... I put up the posters, listened to some Starship... I'm still thinking about her. Persephone stays on my mind, I can't stop thinking about her. I just want to know her. It would be my honor to finally meet her, to kiss her hand. Anything for her. I just know it.

Yesterday after work I messed up taking my injections, and I hit a major artery. I was bleeding so much, I managed to eventually staunch it and get a bandage. I still feel tingly and lightheaded, this has never happened before. There were two weeks before I had help taking injections where this never happened. Yesterday was the first day I went that wrong. There's a malaise of unease and disgust that has infected the air surrounding my person. I've been visiting my parents a lot in the first half of January. I love to he with my family, yeah... but I also like being around them because they seem like the only people that arent disgusted at the sight of me. I just don't understand it. I don't like being in my apartment. I wish I was an introvert, it would be easy to keep it all in. Every time I open my eyes, whenever I blink, I see news of another holocaust in the works. Maybe this is just what God wants right now. I don't get the feeling that my personality or prese...

Let me tell of you about social pageantry. I mean courtship, you know. "Talking stages," as people call it. The worst, the absolute worst. Cronkite and I like to coach each other, we commiserate the circumstances of our yearning, the outcomes of our pursuits of those that catch our eye. About as many wins as losses at this point. I know for sure I've fumbled a few diamonds, but sometimes you must know that there's only so much you can do in the realm of entertaining the tastes of someone you most likely don't know that well, right? It's like grooming a poodle for the kennel club. You're putting yourself on display, you basically having to let someone examine you like an item. And yet I feel it could be argued that the right person is likely someone you would never need to "prove yourself" to like that. The connection will be self-evident. Recently my economy of courtship has been unstable, a lot of fluctuations. Too many uncertainties, I really, ...

Two Oxygen One Hydrogen, Yeah That Sounds Right Seven Drinks In And Hepburn is the greatest album ever made

This will likely only be posted a few days after writing. I think it's better to stay committed to silence. I used to be of the feeling that, yeah, even if nobody saw it happen, that tree still fell down, right? Nah. Look at the news. Look at everything. Doesn't mean shit if we all saw the same thing. The truth has nothing to do with it anymore. If I never make an effort to be seen, I may as well have never existed. Had I not decided to eat and take a nap, I might understand this trait to be a great asset to one looking to engage in acts of political terrorism. I can be so dramatic, my goodness. I'm looking to my regular remedies, you know. I'm listening to Brian again. And a bit of Carpenters. I can close my eyes and smile in acceptance of myself. I know what this is, and I can handle it. And it feels good. It feels bizarre being able to have my own time and space to work through one of these fits of incredible grief and sadness. It used to be that I would be sexually ...